Why do I matter?

Why do I matter?

I hate admitting that I spent my morning in tears. It’s not because I would prefer to hold back the tears, suck it up and move on. It’s because I had the realization I was stuck in a rabbit hole of comparison and I thought I had already overcome that. Why, again?? Regardless, here I was yet again. This time around, it sounded much different in my head.

Recently, I’ve been pushing hard working on projects to build my brand, refresh my website, create my first online course and write my second book. Sounds like a full plate, right? Sure. But, it’s fun work and part of my passion so it didn’t feel too stressful until I had this one meeting and it all came crashing. 

The brand strategy team I hired was putting together a competitor audit. It’s standard for a marketing company to look at who is out there writing and saying what I’m saying, doing what I want to do, serving the kind of customers I want to serve. 

So, here comes the realization. I stared at my computer screen. A full list of names, websites, blogs, and books that seem ironically similar. “Oh my goodness, I’m just like everyone else,” I thought. The tears welled up and spilled out. 

In classic over-thinking form, the questions in my head piled up, “Why do I matter? Why does what I say or do matter at all?” I struggled to make sense of it. The course I just wrote and named, is even taken by somebody else. I’m looking at the bullet points and grids that outline what I have to do to stand up, stand out, and compete in an oversaturated market. In all the business talk, it was more than comparing the work. I was legitimately comparing myself and I hated all of it. 

Here’s how I changed the narrative and turned this struggle around. Yes, this sounds oversimplified. I poured myself a huge glass of water, I put on a face mask, I paced the room and hydrated. Then I sat and took some deep breaths. I muttered a not so eloquent prayer. 

Here’s what I landed on. 

  • I’m the only mother my kids have.
  • I’m the only wife to my husband.
  • I’m the only stay-at-home mom in this household.
  • There’s nobody else that can be me to them, right here, right now.
  • Nobody else can do my home or my role well, it belongs to me. All I do is give voice to my life. And my life is unlike any other. 

I have this deep rooted growth mindset that tells me I’ve re-wired my brain to push past limits, to grow, to learn and to be the best version of myself. These are choices I’ve made. But, on my worst days or regrettable moments, I look around and I matter because I’m the only mom my kids will ever have. Even in the “I’m sorry, guys, I shouldn’t have ____”, they love me because we belong to one another. I might not have the most unique message or pictures or ideas or posts, but that’s not what defines me.

I hope wherever you are in life right now, you can carve a way out of comparison. Your worth is immeasurable. Your story and life are precious and it all matters deeply. The business stuff- agh, it’ll work itself out in time, it’s not worth my identity anyway. 

I’m Brooke, a loving wife, a busy mom, an amateur at everything but a helper, on a mission to be the nicest person you ever met. 

Leave some love in the comments and let me know I’m not alone in the comparison trap so I can cheer you on! 


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8 responses to “Why do I matter?”

  1. Amanda N Boser says:

    I love your honesty so much! I think on our days of struggle, when they kids challenge you on everything, you go to the bathroom just to have 5 minutes to yourself or you didn’t get to connect with your spouse with even a short meaningful conversation, you end the day feeling like you kind of just suck at everything. And you have a feeling of emptiness. Those tough days, totally overshadow your little (or big) triumphs in your day to day routines. Like we completely forgot about how we totally rocked meal planning this week, cleaned out a closet that we have been talking about doing for over a year or the days when you put all your kids to bed and they didn’t cry or whine. Sometimes as a mom, or even just a single gal for some, you just feel like you are alone. We know this isn’t true. But it’s hard to rationalize this when you are having a bad day.

    Yesterday, I had a tough day. Ended it feeling so discouraged. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016 when I was pregnant with my 2nd son. Many surgeries, chemo and radiation later, I am cancer free. Woo hoo. With a breast cancer diagnosis, comes hormone therapy. Yesterday I had to get a shot. It’s a shot I get every month for at least 5 years. I have gotten the shot about 5 times so far. This shot gives me so much anxiety. It is painful and not a common shot so sometimes the nurses struggle with the logistics of giving the injection. Yesterday was one of those days where a lot of things went wrong. Long story short, the 3rd poke was the charm. And yes the medicine flowing into my body hurt, just like it always does. But it wasn’t the physical pain the had my eyes watering when I was sitting at the doctor. It was the reminder that it isn’t fair that a mother and wife in her thirties has to endure a diagnosis of breast cancer. More specifically, I was mad, and sad, that I drew this card in life. I’m not mad or sad about it every day. In fact, had the shot been successful the first poke, these thoughts probably wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. Every month when this happens or when I have a tough day with with running my house, I have to remember that the next day is another day to try again. And more importantly, when I pray, I ask God, just get me through today. Or just get me through this hour. I will ask God to help me with tomorrow, tomorrow. I’ll worry about the struggles of tomorrow, tomorrow. Or at least I try to do that. Haha!

    I also want to give you a little encouragement about your business. I reached out to you on Instagram recently. Thank you for getting back to me by the way. I am new follower of your words, literally this week! I am hooked! And it’s not because you have the perfect words, it’s because you are sincere and want the best for your followers. I follow some other women who give me encouragement and they have so many followers that they don’t have time to respond to me. And that’s ok. We all have to prioritize.
    But ask yourself, isn’t cool that if you are reaching even just one new person each week, that you could really be changing that persons week, year or even day? You are your own worst critic but know in the meantime, we are so excited for your future and love reading your perfect and imperfect words.

    Amanda

    • Thank you so much for sharing. I loved that you opened up about your journey. And you’re so right, one day at a time. Love this. Yes, I’m honored to reach others online. You nailed it.

  2. Katy says:

    Oh my gosh, what you wrote is so to the core of what I’ve experienced as well. I can not even imagine deliberately having to sift through comps of a business that is your passion. That sounds TERRIBLE!! Yet I understand the purpose. Thank you for your openness and narrative that help you overcome. That is invaluable. ❤️

  3. I was just having this same conversation with myself last night. I’m currently in the start up time of creating my online business. It’s so hard to feel like what I have to say matters and that I am unique! All of what you said resonates with me today. So, I’m off to have a glass of water and work on what Tony Robbins calls “The Dickens Process” – to name my limiting beliefs, figure out how they’ve affected my past, present and future and then, rewrite them!!

    Much love friend. You DO bring so much light and love into the world and your voice does matter! I’m really glad I found you on this crazy internet world!

    • How sweet Nicole. That’s right, none of us need permission to go and do what’s on our heart. Girl, that’s awesome. Yes, rewrite those limiting beliefs and keep on, the world needs you!

  4. Rachel says:

    I want you to know your book made a huge impact on me. I am able to pull back and figure out why situations bother me so and problem solve. The other huge change for me is to remember to teach my kiddos that we are practising (fill in the blank). Thank you.

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